Arranged and love marriages are passé, making way for cyber-marriages. Whoever said marriages are made in heaven, didn’t know what the internet was all about!
The entire process of arranged marriage can be quite painful. The 2 families meeting each other, the prospective bride and groom meeting each other, the prospective bride and groom meeting each other’s families, the ‘talks’ between the 2 families and then after a few meetings deciding whether or not to go ahead with the proposal. Many times it doesn’t work and then there can be pain and sorrow for the young hunters. Sad, but true; expectations (I need to write more about ‘expectations’ on my next post) can lead to some disastrous decisions and can play havoc with emotions and self-confidence. Talk about the hunter getting hunted. And this being a continuous process, the prospective bride and groom try to move on and meet other prospective grooms and brides till they ‘find’ someone.
Then there are love marriages – the easiest of the lot. Fall in love, decide to get married, convince the families and bingo! Life is set. Meeting prospective brides and grooms takes a skip, thankfully.
And we can’t miss the cyber-marriages. The dot coms are happy to play cupid to the prospective bride and groom. People chat online, exchange photos and details, decide whether or not they wanna go ahead and if not, move on (there’s many a fish in the sea!) Easy, smart, simple, fast. It’s nice to move with the times you see.
Now my opinion on this entire circus (marriage itself isn’t a circus, but the process of marriage can sometimes become one!) - To save grief, the best way would probably be to convert an ‘arranged’ proposal into a love-marriage. Meet and greet, just keep it short, communicate and… fall in love? We’re done with it above, so now it’s time to rise in love.
Sounds simple but few are comfortable to pursue it. Usually there is very little time given to get to know each other. The ones who do give time are wise, the ones who don’t are wellll just caught up with society laws.
I sound like I’ve been there done that… I know… but honestly, I’m still a new-comer in this process. Time To Rise in Love!
Ciao
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Wednesday, 16 July 2008
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3 comments:
Pooja I think You have arrived!!!
Hey Girl, ur cool..
Dear Puja,
It is indeed a matter of comparative study between the three things which you had tried to do nicely. I wish to add a few points to that.
While there are some bad things and some good things in each format, can we come to a fourth one, which probably has a mix of all good things.
The arranged marriage that you are talking has also changed its shape with the parents caring a lot for their wards. I have seen that many parents enquire a lot before the marriage for their daughter and vice versa. What this indicates?
This has dramatically reduced the failure rates of arranged marriages.
Apart from that even in arranged marriages the young couples get good time to understand themselves and after marriage also they respect each other (which is generally not seen in Love marriages). This is because the arranged marriage gets converted into ‘Arranged love marriage’. The factors like same culture, financial positions that parents look certainly helps in this regards. Because the couple can’t ‘Eat love and Drink love’ to survive in the real, tough world. I am sorry for being little practical.
I have one live example. One good looking Hindu girl felt in love with a Muslim Rickshaw driver. (I am not against any community or any job). Her father opposed this a lot but ultimately the girl didn’t listen and took a decision of marriage with him. It happened, but after some days after marriage, fight begun due to differences in culture, style of living even religion difference. I was so sad that she had to live in a small house over a drainage line. Ultimately the girl and her family suffered a lot.
So what is wrong if parents think all these aspects in arranged marriage?
So I feel whether it is love or an e- marriage, finally it should come to 'arranged love marriage' stage before starting a new life!
Hi Pooja,
Firstly thanks for leaving a comment on my post.
Now getting to the point of arranged marriages (A big huge dissertation can be done on this), I get ur point that the process closely resembles a circus, and sadly there is an audience too which closely watches ur movements (that too without a ticket).
I totally agree about "expectations" being a big topic to deal.
However I feel that marriages are just a beginning (whether love or arranged), and the mindset (and this is where expectations come in) with which we enter a marriage is really important. Arranged marriage start to resemble love marriages after a while and love marriages get sour sometimes.
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