Alice in Worry-land

Nothing seems to be going right lately… too many things on my mind I guess.
Think I’ll jot them down to understand my mind better…

• Father’s health: is always a worry… he has undergone a bypass and an angioplasty but doesn’t seem to slow down with his work… why? Can’t jot dwn the details…
• Mum: is worried about my marriage and im worried about her worrying… makes sense?
• My marriage: im not interested in a fling or a serious relationship or even marriage (at the moment)… but with my family silently worrying about it makes me feel as if one day I will give in to the pressure and end up with the wrong guy… and that’s what worries me….
• My health: is 90% better than what it was during Diwali-2006… buttttt I still cant squat (sitting on the floor is a far-fetched thought)… not a big deal I know, but my knee joints still hurt if I walk too much or climb stairs or stand for a long time… I’ve learned that health is wealth and I’m not wealthy.
• Further studies: confused whether I should pursue a Master’s degree in Social Work, OR, 1 year Master’s certificate in social work… Master’s degree is better coz it’s a degree and the exposure is very valuable… but I have to leave my job for 2 years for this, coz it’s a full time hectic course. 1 year certificate on the other hand is a weekend course that can be done along with my job… but I’m wondering how useful this will be in the long run… I was thinking of doing the 1 year weekend course this year… and if required, apply for a master’s degree next year…? The only problem is to leave my job for 2 years…
• My current (hospital) job: is kinda okay… not what I wanted to do initially but I guess the experience will help in the long run. I’ve given myself about 6 years to settle dwn in the social work field… but this fund-raising thingie at the hospital is not emotionally fulfilling… maybe I should quit next year and pursue my master’s degree after all…?
• My friends: best buddies Shivani, Giselle & Varsha are out of the country;
  among close friends, Madz is also leaving the country, Binz is too busy with her new job/training and boyfriend;
  Cavan is no more and I miss him a lot
  And then there are loads of acquaintances who I don’t like meeting every week… (I guess that’s my problem…)
• I want to travel… its been over a year since I’ve travelled and im not used to being in BOM without taking off for at least a week… I hate to be in BOM for such long periods of time, especially with the weather getting hotter by the day and the pollution going from bad to worse… thanks to all the dream-lovers who land up in aamchi Mumbai hoping to make it big! I need a break!!!!!!!!!! It’s so frustrating to be unable to take-off coz of leaves…. Wish I could just travel like a vagabond from place to another – even if its within India… coz India is undiscovered and beautiful!
• I want to go for a movie every week… at least one movie… but people are very selective about watching movies like my friends and my mum… they will watch only if something is a huge hit (after the whole country has seen it)!!! for me, a typical masala hindi movie is a stress-buster - maybe I'll go watch one tomorrow...
• I have this urge to do genuine social work but it’s just not happening… maybe I should MAKE it happen…! Need to send tee-shirts to Kolkata to an orphanage called Shishu Bhavan, but there’s just no help around… don’t know where to get tees printed from and how to send them all the way to Kolkata… people offer to help but don’t get back with any… it’s my fault, I shouldn’t depend on anyone… have to get this done myself! It’s was Cavan’s wish to help those kids and I know I’m going to get this done very soon.
  
  So as of now this is the long list that’s on my mind… have to clear off the stuff one by one… too much to do, too little time!
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